


Migraine

by ViveLaRebellion



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, Youtuber RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: But not in a sexual way - Freeform, Delirium, Drugs, Ethan is a good boy, Gen, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Mark is such a dad, Medication, Migraine, Non-Verbal, Non-binary Reader - Freeform, Partial Nudity, Platonic Cuddling, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, but unexpected effects?, i guess?, i mean the reader is shirtless for a bit, non-binary, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 06:16:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13805202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViveLaRebellion/pseuds/ViveLaRebellion
Summary: You've been working for Mark for a few months now, and just as you're starting to doubt your place in the team and getting more than a little homesick for the east coast, you get a debilitating migraine. Bad enough you can't even get out of bed. If only you had friends who could help you out.





	Migraine

**Author's Note:**

> ok so i wrote this entirely self indulgently a few months ago when i got a killer migraine and all i wanted was for someone to take care of me. ive been tweaking it little by little ever since, and now i feel like its actually worth disseminating to the public without coming off as cringingly self indulgent. since its basically a self insert, the reader is afab nb and is referred to with they/them pronouns, and is around Ethan's age.
> 
> let me know if i ought to tag anything! enjoy! ~xo

You felt miserable. No, beyond miserable. You had awoken today with one of the worst migraines you’d ever had. Icepick in both eyes, body aches, dizziness, and then the sensory sensitivity of course. Opening your eyes hurt, the sound of your neighbors closing doors and talking through the walls hurt, the scented fabric softener in your sheets was overwhelming. Suffice to say, you were pretty down and out for the day.

 

No way were you going to make it to work. Ethan and Kathryn could survive without you, though, not like you were much help to them, anyway. You figured you should still probably call in, so they wouldn’t worry. Slow as can be, you reached across the bed to your phone and- Crap. Your phone wasn’t there. You furrowed your brow in confusion before remembering you had left it plugged in in the living room.

 

Even thinking about moving to get it hurt.

 _Fuck_  


Even thinking at all hurt.

 

From the living room you heard your phone go off. A loud, jarring pop song that never failed to give you a heart attack was now drilling through the wall and directly into your skull. You whimpered and clutched your head tighter as you felt your pulse throb in your skull. You just wanted it to stop,  _why won’t the pain just stop? Why can’t it just go away?_

* * *

Hours must’ve passed between blinks, because when you next opened your eyes the glow of sunlight was gone from behind your curtains and your room was relievingly dim. A long moment passed before your ears picked up a sound. Banging. Someone was banging on your door? Your front door. You groaned and curled tighter into a ball, wishing that whoever it was would just go away and let you suffer in peace.

 

The banging stopped, and you relaxed slightly. Peace and quiet. Until your phone started ringing from the living room. That loud and jarring song once again blaring through the apartment. You pressed your hands tighter to your head and squeezed your eyes shut against the pain as the ringtone played again, and again, and again.

 

Then Silence.

 

You heard the sound of a door opening. Your door. Your front door.

 

Lethargic panic trembled down your spine for a moment before you heard voices.

 

“Y/n? We’re coming in!” Mark? What the fuck?

 

“They’re probably not even here, Mark.” And.. Ethan?

 

“No way, they have to be! I heard their phone going off and everything. Look, their keys are still here.” Why’re they here?

 

“Mark if they wanted us here, wouldn’t they have at least answered the door?” How did they even get in?

 

“Yes! Just like if they were alright they would’ve at least texted us today! I’m telling you, something’s wrong.” They’re so noisy.

 

“Well, alright. Worth a look around, I guess. Their room’s over here, right?” Oh right, Ethan had a key from helping you move in. That explained it.

 

Your brain was sluggish to process their voices, and by the time you were able to understand what was even being said, there was a knock at your door. Your bedroom door.

 

“Y/n? Are you in here?” That was Ethan. Why was Ethan at your door?

 

You tried to muster the energy to respond, even to tell him to go away, but even gathering enough breath to talk was too much effort for you right now. He knocked once more before you heard the door open.

 

“Y/n~? Are you- ohhh, shit!” Ethan was suddenly at your side, you could feel his weight on the edge of your bed and hear his small, frantic hand movements. All the sudden movement and sound threw your brain through a loop. You clutched your hands tighter to your head and tried, and failed, to suppress a groan of pain. “Oh. Oh no, I'm sorry.” Ethan breathed, before settling properly on your bed.

 

Mark then popped into your room as well, and, upon seeing you, cried out. “Oh, you found them! Y/n are you alright?” His voice cut through your skull like a knife, and this time there was no suppressing the cry of pain as you tried to curl in on yourself even more. “Wha-?”

 

You felt the bed shift, and Mark fell silent. You figured Ethan must’ve motioned for him to be quiet, because next you heard was a whispered “Sorry!” from across the room. You wished you could respond, but so much of your energy was being drained by the pain lancing through your head.

 

Ethan’s weight on your bed shifted closer to you. When he spoke it was a soft whisper that helped ease your nerves. “Y/n, can you tell us what’s wrong? Can we help?”

 

You opened your mouth to try and speak, but you still couldn’t muster the words. It was like they were buried all the way down in your chest, hiding from the pain. You tried a couple more times before giving up, the pain having sapped all your patience away with the words.

 

When you grit your teeth in frustration Ethan shushed you gently. “Hey, no don’t worry about it. You don’t have to use words, ok? Just- is it your head? Does your head hurt?”

 

You couldn’t manage much in the way of communication, but managed to give a sort-of nod. It was more of a twitch, really, and you hoped it got the message across.

 

“Ok, did you hit your head?”

 

You attempted another twitch, and hoped it registered as a head shake. No.

 

“So just a headache?”

 

You paused a long moment. Was this really just a headache? Were you really just being a big baby about all this? No, you didn’t think so. You did the “no” twitch again. “A migraine, then.” You nod-twitched. Yes, that’s what this was called. You knew that. You just couldn’t say it. You couldn’t say anything.

 

“Do you get these often?” Ethan again, soft. Ethan was always soft.

 

Did you get these often? You wouldn’t say so, they weren’t chronic or anything, you were pretty sure. But you definitely got them more often than the average joe. You shrugged a shoulder, or, shrug-twitched. No, that wasn’t a good enough answer. You nod-twitched.

 

There was a brief silence before Ethan spoke again. “So… kinda, but not really?” Nod-twitch. “Ok, do you have anything you do to feel better?”

 

Mark had been so quiet while Ethan was talking to you, and still was. You weren’t even sure he was still in the room anymore. You hadn’t heard him leave, though. But Mark was never quiet for this long. Where was he? You didn’t like not knowing where people were. Ethan was easy, you could feel his weight on the mattress next to you. Maybe Mark was still standing, or crouched by the bed?

 

“Y/n? Are you still with us?” Fuck, you’d forgotten to answer Ethan. You gave another stiff nod. “Do you do anything to feel better? Or actually, uhhh right. You can't answer that. Have you taken anything for the pain?” Crap, you hadn’t gotten out of bed all day to take anything. No wonder you were suffering so much.

 

You “no” twitched and rolled your jaw a bit. You were going to have to talk eventually, they didn’t know where anything was in your apartment. You’d have to tell them. You took a shaky breath and tried speaking, but only a choked whimper came out.

 

“Hey, shh, you don’t have to talk. You’re doing great, ok? More than great, even. Mark, can you go check their medicine cabinet for painkillers?” Ethan turned over his shoulder, and you heard movement from the ground by the bed. So, Mark had been crouched by the bed after all.

 

“Yeah, sure.” You listened as his footsteps went to the bathroom, as he flicked on the light and the fan, which hummed through the walls. You were pretty sure you didn’t keep the ibuprofen in the bathroom. You rolled your jaw again, trying to push down the pain enough to force some words out.

 

Mark returned before you could manage it, though, and suddenly you were being coaxed out of your fetal position to sit up. Ethan had shifted out of the way and now Mark was sat next to you on the bed, one hand on your shoulder gently holding you up. You reluctantly dragged a hand away from your head and felt him press a pill into your hand.

 

“Come on, bub, you need both hands for this.” He rubbed circles into your back with his thumb as you pulled your other hand away. The sudden lack of auxiliary support to your head and neck left you wilting into Mark’s side, but he didn’t seem to mind, still rubbing little circles into your back as he handed you a glass of water.

 

After a moment of figuring out how to take a pill, you sluggishly popped the little capsule into your mouth and followed it down with a sip of the water. Your hands must’ve been shaking, as Mark kept a hold of the glass the whole time, helping you drink. You started to try to give the water back, but another pill appeared in your hand. Realizing Mark must’ve spaced out the doses, you take that one as well before he takes back the water glass and helps you lie back down.

 

Mark continued rubbing small circles into your shoulders, gently working out small kinks and knots in your back, and you drift a bit. After an indeterminate amount of time, Ethan’s voice brought you back.”Y/n, is there anything else we can do? Anything you need?”

 

You wracked your sluggish mind for what else could be done before you finally remembered your usual strategy for dealing with migraines. You rolled your jaw once more, and this time the words didn’t feel so distant. After a long, shaky breath, you managed to speak. “Shower.... Peppermint... Darkness.” Each word was a battle, and they came out weak and breathy, but Mark and Ethan breathe sighs of relief.

 

“There you are. Good job.” You can hear the smile in Mark’s voice as he gives you an encouraging pat on the back.

 

“Shower. Hot Shower?” Ethan asked, from the foot of the bed now. When did he get down there? You suppose it doesn’t matter and nod. A real nod. You guess the painkillers must be working faster than normal. “Ok, and you want it to be dark?” Another nod. You’re pretty sure Mark and Ethan must be beaming at each other to see you communicating so much easier now. You can certainly hear it in Ethan’s voice. “Ok, I’ll go get the water started for you, alright? Mark can stay here with you…? Yeah, Mark’s gonna stay with you.”

 

You nodded and gave the best smile you could, which really wasn’t much at all, and you listened as Ethan left to go prep the shower. Mark shifts closer to you on the bed, so his leg is brushing your back, and you can’t help but relax against him. He’s warm against your back, and as his fingers work out the knots you can feel yourself relaxing further, until you’re drifting again.

 

Whatever medication he gave you is certainly doing the job, and definitely wasn’t ibuprofen. The icepicks have reduced to vices, and you can barely string a thought together, floating in a comforting void.

 

“The shower’s ready.”

 

You startled slightly at the new voice.

 

“Come on, let’s get you up.” The calming pressure on your back changed to a grip pulling you up, and your world spun alarmingly at the movement. You gasped and threw an arm out to right yourself, but it swung into open air and you slumped awkwardly into someone solid and warm. Your eyes flew open and your brain didn’t understand anything it was looking at. Colors and shapes blurred, as if your personal frame rate had dropped.

 

“Woah, hey, easy there.” Two hands landed on your shoulders and your vision swam back into focus. Mark smiled nervously. “You good? You with me?” You nodded lethargically. “Good. Think you can make it to the bathroom?” You sat a moment processing exactly what he was asking, and upon realizing your options were probably walk or be carried, you knew your dignity wouldn’t stand for being carried like a child by your boss. Not unless you were bleeding out or unconscious.

 

You shook your head and pushed off of him gently, so as not to further disorient yourself. He got up as you peeled the covers off of yourself, but didn’t go far. It took a lot to convince your body to move, but with the migraine dulled and your senses softened, you managed to swing your legs over the side of the bed and push yourself to your feet. You started to take a step, but you were so oddly off balance that you began to teeter to the side.

 

Mark, still hovering nearby, caught you easily, and your hands found the hem of his shirt and gripped tight for balance. You knew you probably looked like a small child, what with how you were clinging to his shirt, but after that stumble you knew you weren’t actually going to be able to walk all the way to your bathroom on your own; you were way too disoriented.

 

Mark hesitated a moment, his hands hovering nervously around your shoulders, as if afraid to touch you. “You good there, bub?”

 

You shook your head stiffly and took a shaky breath as the world swayed again. You let your eyes flutter closed as you leaned heavier on him and he finally made up his mind and put an arm around you. You’d never felt like this from a migraine before. “What did you… give me?” It had to be the medication he gave you that was messing you up like this.

 

“Um, it was…” You listened as he fumbled in his pocket briefly and heard the sound of a pill bottle rattling. “It was these. Tylenol 3? It says to take two a day as needed for pain, so I gave you two. Is that bad? Fuck, are you alright?” You could hear the rising panic in his voice, and his grip around you tightened in worry.

 

You shook your head against him, trying to calm his panic. You had forgotten you had those. They were from a dental surgery a month or so ago and had codeine in them.  You were technically only supposed to take one at a time. No wonder your head was so fuzzy now. “It’s fine. You did good.... Just wasn’t what I was expecting.” Words were coming easier, which was a relief.

 

Mark shifted nervously for a moment before relaxing his hold on your shoulder from the death grip it had been. “Ok, if you’re sure. Let’s get you in the shower, though, yeah? Get you feeling better.” His voice was still tight with worry.

 

You nodded and let him lead you to your bathroom, keeping your eyes closed the whole time against the light from the livingroom. Once you felt cool tile under your feet and felt the steam in the air you opened your eyes again. Other than the light from the livingroom, the bathroom was shrouded in a soft darkness, and you could hear the gentle white noise of the shower running. It looked like Ethan had covered the window with an extra towel, making the corners of the room look like black velvet. Despite the mind fogging pain, you felt a smile pull at your cheeks to see the effort he had gone to to make the bathroom ideal for you.

 

Ethan was leaning against the sink, watching you and Mark with nervous eyes. “You doin’ ok?”

 

You gave him a halfhearted shrug as Mark sat you on the edge of the tub. “I can... sorta talk, so that’s... something.” 'Sort of' was right. You could manage full sentences now. You were very slow, and had to take a breath every other word, but it was something.

 

“That’s good.” Ethan nodded, and in your drug induced delirium you couldn’t help but notice the way the light fell on his face, showing you a noir-like profile of his features. It made his eyes glitter and highlighted his cheekbones. He had a nice jawline as well. He looked older when he was concerned. You made a note to try and notice these things more often, or point them out. Ethan deserved to feel pretty. He didn’t seem to notice your scrutiny, though, and straightened up a bit. “You mentioned peppermint earlier as well?” 

Snapping out of your daze, you nodded slowly and pointed to the medicine cabinet behind him. “Third shelf.”

 

Ethan found the little bottle easily. “Peppermint extract. What’s it for?” He regarded it with some curiosity before handing it to you.

 

“Feels good. Migraine is… hot? I dunno. Cold is good though.” You pressed a hand to your temple as another spike of pain flared up behind your eyes. You swayed slightly on the edge of the tub as it worsened, but managed to keep yourself from falling in. “Hot water helps relax muscles. Migraines make all of me tense and hurt. Cold is just for the head.”

 

Ethan nodded again, his expression even more drawn after watching you sway. “So you’re basically manually managing your circulation?”

 

"Yeah," you nodded, then realized it was only the two of you in your bathroom. “Where’d Mark..?”

 

“I dunno. I can get him for you..?” Ethan looked about ready to run and find Mark for you but you shook your head. You didn’t really care that much. You just wanted to get in the shower. Shower. Right. You started pulling your shirt off and Ethan’s eyes went wide. “Right! I’ll leave you to it!” You flinched at his sudden volume, but were relieved a moment later when he closed the door, leaving you in soft darkness.

 

Stripping the rest of your clothes off and tossing them in a pile in front of the door, you finally crawled under the water, sighing as it washed over your tight muscles. You grabbed the bottle of peppermint oil and tried to twist the cap off, but with no luck.

You swallowed a whine of frustration and started tapping the lid against the side of the tub, hoping to dislodge it like a knife and a pickle jar, but still no luck.

 

The frustration started mingling with the pain and the drugs in your system and a dam broke behind your eyes, and a choked sob broke out, followed by another and another, and soon you were full-out crying. It wasn’t fair, you just wanted to feel better and now you couldn’t even do that. You felt so pathetic and useless. Your brain felt like it was melting and there was nothing-

 

“Y/n, are you ok?” Ethan’s voice drifted through the door to you, and you immediately bit down on your lip to stifle any sounds.

 

You sat frozen on the floor of the tub, debating with yourself whether or not to ask for help. You really wanted this open. It was all you wanted. But also, you were naked. But it was dark so it wasn't like he'd see anything. And you had a shower curtain.

 

That was good enough for you.

 

“Uh, actually, I kinda might need a hand?”

 

There was a pause before he answered. “Can I open the door?” He sounded so uncomfortable, but so were you, so you figured it worked out. After making sure the shower curtain was drawn, you called him in.

 

You could only see a slight glow from the other room through the curtain. “What do you need?”

 

You stuck your hand weakly through the curtain, brandishing the stubborn bottle. “I can't open it.” You were whining. You knew you were whining, but there wasn't much to be done about it. May as well sound as pathetic as you felt.

 

“Oh, sure I can do that.” Ethan was audibly relieved. The bottle disappeared from your hand and, after a moment of audible struggle, Ethan huffed, “or not.” You opened your mouth to say something, maybe tell him nevermind, but he walked off. “Mark! I need your weirdly strong rock climber hands!”

 

This was so embarrassing, first you cling to his shirt like a baby and now you couldn’t even open a bottle by yourself. You couldn’t hear Mark’s response, but after a moment Ethan returned, handing the bottle back through the curtain. “There ya go, the cap is loose. Need anything else?”

 

You fumbled with the bottle in the dark for a moment before taking the cap off and putting it to the side. “No. Thanks, though.” You poured a puddle of the cool liquid into your palm and splashed it on your head, scrubbing it into your scalp. “You’re the best.”

 

Ethan chuckled. “Don’t thank me. Mark’s the one with the monster hands.” You wanted to tell him you were thanking him for more than the bottle, but before you got the chance he had pulled the door shut and you were once again in darkness.

 

After properly dousing your entire head with peppermint, and even massaging some into your face and neck, you began to feel more like a person. The briskness of the mint cut through the fog in your mind and your thoughts were coming easier as time went on. An hour passed quickly under the soothing heat, and you soon felt well enough to get out. Still in total darkness, you dried off and got back into your clothes, snuggling into your soft pajamas. You decide to forego the shirt after a moment, and just slipped on a bra, not wanting the heat or constriction of being fully clothed.  

 

Still scrubbing the excess water out of your hair you stepped out into your livingroom, surprised not only to see the lights still on, but you could hear conversation drifting from the kitchen. Still a little fuzzy headed, you wandered over to the kitchen to see Ethan hopped up on the counter and Mark with his hands in the sink doing the dishes. They were laughing about something that happened at work today, or you figured, since you had no recollection of the events being told. You stood there for about a minute before Ethan looked up and saw you, his eyes briefly going wide. “Y/n!” His eyes twitched briefly down to look over your body, and had you not already been drugged up you would’ve had at least the shame to run to cover up. But right now you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. His eyes flicked back to your face after a moment. “H-How’re you feeling?”

 

You shrugged, draping the hand towel you had been using to dry your hair around your shoulders. “I feel a lot more human now. Lights don’t hurt anymore. I am pretty drugged up, though. Why are you doing my dishes?” You weren’t lying, your brain was on cloud nine right now, and your words had a slight slur to them. Mark turned around at the mention of the medication, and then looked a little sheepish.

 

Mark took the towel from around your shoulders and started drying his hands. “I needed something to do, sorry. And sorry again about that. They were the only pain meds I saw.” Mark’s eyes stayed fixed on yours, not wandering at all. You appreciated it.

 

You shrugged again. “It’s no big deal. I keep the normal pain meds in here, so you know.” You slid past Mark and Ethan as you spoke to reach into the cupboard above the sink, pulling out and rattling the bottle of ibuprofen to show where it was before replacing it. “And besides, I feel great so it’s all good.”

 

Leaning back, you stumbled slightly from the haze in your mind. A hand found its way to your waist to steady you and you couldn’t help but lean into it. You glanced back at Ethan, whose expression was pinched in concern, asking you a silent question. You simply smiled and shook your head before leaning back and settling against his knees. He was really warm, and it radiated into your back pleasantly. He rested a hand lightly on the small of your back and you couldn’t help but smile softly.

 

Mark handed you the towel back and turned the water back on to continue doing your dishes. “So, no shirt?” He prodded gently, and you ducked your head slightly.

 

“I’m too hot right now. I, uh, I can go put one on, though.” Embarrassment welled up in you for a moment but Mark just shook his head.

 

“Nah, you’re fine, kid, I’m teasing. But if you’re hot...” Mark paused a moment and put a still dry hand to your forehead, his mouth pulled small in concern. “Hmm.. You are a little warm.” You felt Ethan wrap his arm protectively around your waist. “It's probably just from the migraine, but I guess we’ll just have to keep an eye on you tonight.” Mark decided.

 

Now that that was sorted out, Mark launched into a retelling of the story he was telling Ethan from earlier today. Apparently there had been a punishment in order and Amy had been given the honor of carrying it out. As the story went on and Mark finished up the dishes your eyes started to droop closed. You were only half listening, and the low melodic tone of Mark’s voice was so soothing you wished you could make a blanket out of it and bundle up in it forever. You weren’t sure when, but Ethan eventually put his arms around your shoulders, leaning on you slightly as he popped into the storytelling as well. The light singsong of his voice mingled pleasantly with Mark’s baritone, and you soon found yourself leaning into him more, feeling the vibrations of his chest against your back.

 

“I think it’s time you went to bed, bub.” Mark chided, pausing the story and ruffling your hair, bringing you back to awareness.

 

You sleepily waved a hand to dismiss him. “Nah, I’m good. Just… I’m really high right now, not gonna lie.” You tilt your head back into Ethan’s chest and chuckle in defeat. They both laugh and you bring your hands up to hide your face, suddenly self conscious and embarrassed. “I’m sorry, guys.”

 

Ethan tightened his grip around your shoulders and rested his chin on your shoulder. “Aw, what for?” You could hear the laughter still in his voice and it did weird things to your feelings.

 

“I’m sorry you guys have had to deal with me being… awful.” Words were escaping you and you didn’t really know how to express the stress in your brain. “Y’all should’ve just been able to go home after work instead of worrying over me.”

 

“No, Y/n, you don’t have to be sorry for any of this.” You didn’t have to look at Mark to know what his facial expression was. You knew it was heavy and sad and you hated yourself even more for being the person to put it there.

 

A frown pulled at your lips, until Ethan ruffled a hand in your hair reassuringly. “Yeah, if anything we should be sorry for barging in here! But we don’t mind taking care of each other once in awhile.”

 

Mark reached over and took one of your hands in his, pulling it away from your face. “That’s how we do things here at Markiplier HQ. We take care of each other.”

 

You let your eyes drift to look at him and saw nothing but positivity and support on his face. It was the face he made in late night vlogs and when talking about how much he loved his fans, and it nearly made you want to cry. You quirked a depressingly sardonic eyebrow at him, throwing up an emotional wall because you were feeling overwhelmed. “Even when we don’t deserve it, huh?”

 

He rubbed a circle into your palm with his thumb and Ethan started running his fingers gently through your hair soothingly. “It’s not about deserve.”

 

“It’s about how much people are willing to give.” Ethan finished, and Mark nodded. You could tell he and Mark were sharing a moment, as if they’d had this conversation before. You suddenly felt both like you were intruding, and like you were being let in on some special kinship. Like you were being brought into the fold.

 

A long moment passed before you nodded, breaking eye contact with Mark and blinking at the ceiling, willing tears away. You may be high and emotional, but you were not about to cry in Ethan’s arms. No way. “Thanks, guys.” Your words were thick with the emotion you were trying to swallow down.

 

Ethan gave your shoulders another squeeze before letting go entirely, and you rocked at the sudden lack of contact. “Let’s get you to bed, yeah? I think it’s time we let whatever Mark gave you run its course.” You nodded and took a steadying breath before stepping away to let Ethan hop off the counter.

 

You walked to your room and turned back to see the two of them following behind. You paused awkwardly in the door. “Ok, goodnight guys. And uh, tha-”

 

“We’re not leaving, you know.” Mark cut you off mid-sentence, and you blinked in confusion. He pulled up his phone before showing you a text screen. “We discussed this? Also, Amy’s orders. You’re not alone tonight.” You were even more confused, but your drugged up brain accepted that Amy’s word was law, because that was just the way it should be.

 

You nodded dumbly for a second before turning back to your room. “Well, ok. I guess it’s a good thing I’ve got a queen-size...” Your brain was too scattered to consider any of the implications of what was going on. The most it was considering was a cuddle puddle, which was always welcome. Especially since coming out to LA, you hadn’t really had much in the way of physical contact outside of casual pats on the back or high fives, or hugs from Amy. Suffice to say, you were more than a little touch starved, and this felt like the remedy you needed.

 

Mark turned back to turn the rest of the lights off as you threw a pair of pajama pants at Ethan. You proceeded to dig up another pair of pajamas that had always been too big for you for Mark to wear. _Can't have the boys pantsless in my bed, what would the fans think_? Not that you had any fans of your own, your own channel only had a couple thousand subs, and they weren’t even particularly attentive. But Mark and Ethan’s fans would go rabid if they knew what kind of attention they were giving you.

 

After Mark had sloppily hopped into the PJ’s you gave him, he jumped onto your bed, taking up the side against the wall and opening his arms. “Come on, get over here! Bed time!” He beckoned playfully, and you couldn’t help but giggle at his antics as you climbed into bed. Ethan stood awkwardly, still looking uncomfortable, and Mark waved him over as well while squishing you against him with his other arm. “You too, blue boy! Bed time!”

 

Ethan rolled his eyes, but crawled into bed. “I’m not even blue anymore, Mark.” He snuggled in on your other side, leaving you sandwiched between them.

 

Mark threw his arm across the both of you to ruffle Ethan’s hair. “Still a blue boy, though.” You nodded emphatically along. Ethan would always be the blue boy.

 

Ethan snaked an arm around your waist, and for a moment you were ready to relax, until Mark also slid an arm around you, effectively trapping you between them. You were about to ask what they were doing when they both started counting down from 3.

 

You realized too late what was happening, and on three they both yelled, “Squeeeze!” Or, Mark did. Ethan technically said “Squooze” but the sentiment was the same as you suddenly had the air squished out of you. You laughed as you started tapping out, gasping for breath, and they both released you and erupted into giggles.

 

“Oh that was a good squeeze.” Mark laughed into your back.

 

“Give the big squeeze.” Ethan curled up against your shoulder with giggles. “Squoze you real good.”

 

You melted into giggles along with them in earnest now. “Such a good squeeze. You fuckin’ got me. Broke rule number one.”

 

Mark looked down at you quizzically. “Rule number one?”

 

“Yeah! Rule number one: Don’t get got. And y’all fuckin’ Got me!” You laughed for a moment before it hit you. It hurt your heart a little, realizing they didn’t understand the phrase. Wow you really missed your friends.You felt the giddy energy drain out of you, and you sank heavily into the mattress. “Sorry. It’s a thing my friends back home and I would say.” Your voice came out small, and Mark pulled you closer to his chest, nearly enveloping you, if not for Ethan’s arm still snaked around your waist.

 

Ethan started tracing circles into your back lightly and propped his head up on one hand so he could look you in the eye. “You miss them, don’t you?”

 

You didn’t respond for a moment. What a cornering question. There was only one honest answer to it, and admitting it made you feel weak and vulnerable.  But this was Mark and Ethan. You could trust them, you had this far, at least. You pushed the weak, squirming feeling down and nodded. “Yeah, all the time.”

 

Ethan nodded, looking thoughtful. “I miss my friends a lot, too. All the time. It’s rough, you know? Dropping everything, and everyone, you know to go off and start a new life on the other side of the country. It’s not easy.” You nodded and pressed your head into his chest. He continued, “But, we’re here. We made it. We’re doing it. And it’s pretty cool, knowing they’re proud of us. And that, hey, we’re pretty dang strong. Not everyone can do what we did.” You nodded again, snaking your arms around him as well.

 

“It gets lonely out here.” Mark admitted softly. “I mean, I have Amy, and Chica, and all of you, but-”

 

“It’s not quite home.” You finished. You felt him nod behind you, and you reached a hand up to curl through his hair. He lowered his head to rest on your shoulder as you played with his hair. “I miss my friends. A lot. We were all really close. Like, everyone had a key to everyone’s house, and you could call someone at 2am just to talk, and we would sometimes all pile into someone's bed and watch tv. We were all attached at the hip. And I miss that.” You swallowed the thick lump in your throat. “I miss being close to anyone. I hate being alone like this.” After that, you couldn’t stop the tears anymore. They started bubbling out of you, hiccuping sobs quick to follow.

 

Mark was quick to start shushing you gently, in a soothing way, as Ethan pulled your head under his chin and started rubbing circles into your back. You held down the flood of sorrys trying to get out, fighting the urge to apologize for ever being this emotional or vulnerable, but you knew they didn’t mind. You knew they understood. 

 

After a couple minutes of this, Ethan started singing softly. A lullaby, and you had never felt more babied in your life, but also you felt so cared for. So incredibly secure, more than you had since coming out west. It made you cry harder, and silent sobs erupted into choked wails. Mark started just murmuring encouragements to you, and you wanted to cry harder.

 

Why were they being so nice? This was nuts. No one had been this nice or showed this much care for you since before you came out to LA. You really didn’t deserve this. You were just a techie. Barely even a good one. But here you were, getting comfort and support from two men who had been your idols for the longest time, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. So you cried.

 

Eventually the rumbling baritone vibrations against your back and the gentle tenor reverberating around you calmed your tears, and the weight and warmth around you filled your senses with  _loved safe loved safe loved safe loved loved loved_ and you were finally able to relax between them properly. Once they saw you had stopped crying, their voices petered off, until the only sound was breathing, and the gentle sound of Ethan’s hand still rubbing circles into your back.

 

A song drifted into your head, and the first few lines slipped through your lips, soft and hesitant. “Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat.”

 

“Shadows will scream that I'm alone, but I know we've made it this far.... kid.” Ethan’s voice joined in, harmonizing nicely with yours. Neither of you continued the song, but a kiss on the forehead told you he knew what was going through your mind. “How’s your head?”

 

The question felt out of the blue, but you knew he was asking about more than the migraine. “Much better. I feel like a person again, at least.” Mark snuggled into your shoulder and you brought your hand back up to run through his hair. “Thanks, you guys.”

 

“Anytime, Y/n.” Mark murmured into your back, and Ethan nodded his agreement.

 

“You don’t have to deal with these things alone. That’s what you’ve got friends for.” You could hear the smile in his voice and it made you feel warm and bubbly inside.

 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”


End file.
